Jan 03 2019
Dear ladies of all ages, races, occupations, and stages in life:
I am writing you to give you a gift for 2019. This is one of the most powerful gifts anyone can ever give you. I was once given this gift and it changed my life; I hope it does the same for you. I am giving you PERMISSION to take flight and to have your cake and eat it too. I am giving you PERMISSION to live your best life. I am giving you PERMISSION to be you!
What Does it Mean to Have your Cake and Eat it Too?
This is going to mean something different for everyone. But what I am giving you permission to do is live the best life for you, without having to sacrifice or give up something in order to do this.
I am a mom of three (eight-year-old twins and a five-year-old), a business owner, a daughter, sister, wife; oh, I almost forgot to mention I am a person too!
I have spent most of my life constantly giving to everyone else. I didn’t have much of a childhood as I lived in a family that suffered with alcohol abuse. At a really young age, I had to take care of my sister, my brother, my mom, and my dad. When I say that I gave all of myself to everyone else, I truly mean it. Fast forward to my 25th year of life; I got married and had twins at 26. That’s a story all on its own; I almost died on August 2nd 2010 when I brought my twins into the world. My liver was failing, my blood platelets diminished, and I was bleeding out internally. Eleven months after my husband and I said ‘I do’ he had to sign papers stating that his wife would not make it out of the emergency C-section delivering two premature babies. The twins were born weighing approximately 3lbs, two months early, and their mom didn’t wake up for four days. I woke up and with no time to recover, I had to move into being a mom for two little beings that I visited in the Nicu while, I, myself was in the hospital. As you can imagine, being a young mom wasn’t easy (jeze, being a mom isn’t easy) and having twins was hard. I moved from taking care of my parents and siblings in one chapter of my life into the second chapter of life; motherhood with no break in-between. Happily, our babies are no longer babies and are thriving. We were crazy enough to have another little girl, and I am glad to report that she went full term with no complications (other than being 10lbs at birth!). Our little family of four was now a family of five, and that meant more tender love and care for everyone except, me. As I type this, I can see many of the moms out there understanding what I mean by that last statement.
Fast forward two years; my father got very ill, and being the person that I am, I talked my husband into letting him stay with us until he was well enough to be on his own. For those of you who know me, you would know how difficult this was as my father and I did not have a relationship for a multitude of reasons of which I may blog about at a later date.
A year and a half later my dad moved out; this time in my life tested me and my family to the limits. It was right around the time my dad moved out that I started to go through a shift, and that shift started with a tattoo.
I was driving out to a routine doctor’s appointment, and on my way, I saw a tattoo parlor. I pulled over, went in, got my tattoo, and proceeded to my doctor’s appointment. My tattoo (shown in the image of this blog) is of three little black birds taking flight. This symbolizes my three children, and the point in my life where I was done being everything to everyone except myself.
Three years ago, on that afternoon, I decided it was time for a new chapter in my story; Katie takes flight!
So many wonderful things have happened since that day. I started to take care of myself, started a speaking and training career, opened my own business, and became a more present mom. Changing who I am and what people were used to was (and is) a hard, turbulent path. It was time though, time for me to figure out how to have my cake and eat it too.
Here is what I have learned along this bumpy path:
The Cards You’ve Been Dealt Don’t Dictate Your Future
The cards you’ve been dealt do not have to be an excuse for why your life is the way it is; they can be a catalyst for the life you want to live. You can decide to let your current circumstance swallow you whole or use it, learn from it, and propel yourself forward because of it.
Being Selfish is Necessary
It’s not easy being ‘selfish’ as a mom (or person in general) but it is very necessary in order to be able to give to others. As the safety demonstration on an airplane dictates to put your oxygen mask on before you help others, it is necessary to breathe life into your being before you can truly give to others.
Your Change Isn’t Easy for Others
Not everyone is going to love the change you make, and that is ok. If you have decided to put yourself first, or take on a new challenge, new career, or lease on life, you will have resistance from those who surround you; you are not only changing your world, you are also changing theirs. It is ok to put distance between you and the people in your life that don’t serve as a positive influence through your growth. Those who whole heartedly love you will support you; those who don’t are people you don’t want to be around. Do, however, try to be patient with those who do stick it out and remember this change is happening to them as well.
Change at the Core Starts with you and you Alone
Only you can make change happen; you have to want to make a difference in your life in order for a difference to be made.
Forgive yourself Often
YOU are only HUMAN and you will mess up, you will stumble and fall. The key to success in any transformation is to get back up. Love yourself enough to embrace each stumble because it is in those moments that transformation happens. Get up, learn, forgive yourself, and keep moving forward.
I feel like my journey has only just begun. I feel like this new chapter in my life is the start of my life. There have been and will continue to be many stumbles; I will rise stronger with each and every fall.
Where Does the Phrase ‘Have your Cake and Eat it Too’ Come From?
Someone once asked me if I had ‘mummy guilt’ with all the travelling I do and this was my response:
“ I hope my daughters look at me and see that they can be a mom, wife, business woman, or stay home, that they don’t have to choose one or the other. My wish is that my daughters know they can ‘have their cake and eat it too’. And my son, I hope he supports his partner so she can do the same.”
Here’s to you! I wish you the same. I hope you live the life that is best for you, and that you can also ‘have your cake and eat it too.’